Transcription:Just the Good Parts
(We start on the set of "The Moment of Truth", where host Mark L. Walberg asks a male contestant a question.) Mark: Next question... card Have you ever told your wife you liked her dress when you really didn't? Male Contestant: and exhales sharply for a long period of time while his wife looks at him, then whispers Oh, here we go. Um... uh... for a few seconds ...yes. the audience gasps, his wife starts to sob Yes. (The show is paused, and a male spokesperson walks on screen.) Spokesperson: Wow, they pad the hell out of that show, huh? That's why I subscribed to "Just the Good Parts" appears with a residue effect above his head from my cable or satellite provider. You can watch an entire B.S. game show in just 15 seconds. (We go into speedy mode for the rest of the program.) Mark: Ever told your wife you liked her dress when you really didn't? Male Contestant: Yes. Ding! Mark: Ever cheated on your taxes? Male Contestant: Yes. Ding! Mark: Ever used the N-word in anger? Male Contestant: Yes. Ding! Mark: Ever put your penis in a slinky? Male Contestant: Yea-no. Mark: to contestant as buzzer sounds You lose! (The contestant groans in disappointment, and the spokesperson jumps back on screen with the title still above him.) Spokesperson: "Just the Good Parts" speeds up all your favorite shows and movies. Just watch! (A title card that says, "Every James Bond Movie" shows up. It shows some white words in a black background; then we snap to James Bond as he walks across the screen and shoots a targeting shooter. After that, we switch to him at a gathering.) James Bond: Bond - James Bond. (In the sky, James Bond punches a villain off of a hot-air balloon with a young woman in it.) James Bond: Now that the mission is over, let's find your balloon knot. Bond Girl: excited Oh, James! (The next card shows "Philadelphia" with a tune that resembles "The Streets of Philadelphia" playing in the background. It shows a title in big, red letters above an image of an black city. Andrew Beckett appears.) Andrew Beckett: I have AIDS. (Joe Miller only laughs at this comment, but is then shown mourning for Beckett at his funeral. Then another card with "The Shining" on and intense music in background appears. It shows a title in big, red letters. The following three scenes show Jack Torrance sitting at a desk with his typewriter, on a bench, and outside in the snow. The next part is of Dick Hallorann dancing and scatting in the kitchen. The next card shows "The Wizard of Oz" with "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" playing in the background. It shows a title above the clouds.) Dorothy Gale: black-and-white Kansas road scene I'm running away from home! Munchkinland with her house on the Wicked Witch of The East behind her I want to go home! (We briefly see a hanged munchkin, then switch to Dorothy back in her bed in Kansas.) Dorothy: happy I was home all along! (The next card shows "There Will Be Blood" with very scary music playing. It shows a white title. The next three scenes show a worker getting impaled by a block of wood, another worker crushed with a long piece of pipe, and an explosion at an oil well, blowing back a young boy.) Daniel Plainview: his fist on his desk A bastard in a basket! (The next card shows Peter Jackson's "King Kong", where only some of the ending credits are shown. Then we snap to a screen that says, "Enchanted". It shows an title in bright, big, gold letters in the cloudy sky; in this scene, Gizelle, being carried by the other characters, sings a few scales while a deer farts loudly in the background. Then a pupil shrinks on the deer, and we switch to a screen that says, "Lawrence of Arabia". It shows an title on an orange background. This time, there is a crime scene in the desert with two men investigating.) Investigator: I've never seen a man killed with a sword before. Male Arabian Citizen: Why don't you take a picture? Investigator: I wish I had. (T.E. Lawrence is then shown riding his motorcycle, flying over a bump, falling down, and crashing at the bottom. After this, we cut to Elliott Gould standing at a podium, presenting an award at an Oscar show.) Elliott Gould: Okay, "Best Picture" goes to... (reads card) "Lawrence of Arabia"! (Lawrence, still on his motorcycle, snatches the Oscar award from Gould, crashing out of the auditorium while screaming, causing an alarm to go off. The next card shows "Step Up 2 The Streets". It shows an title in a orange background; this scene has two dance groups compete at a dance-off while the same deer from "Enchanted" farts in the background again, making the pupil close in once more. After this, the last card shows "Battlestar Galactica", making several people appear one-by-one on screen.) Sharon/Number Eight: sighs I'm a cylon. Karl C. Agathon: I'm a cylon. Colonel Saul Tigh: Damn it - I'm a cylon! Ellen Tigh: I am a cylon. Officer William Adama: Cylon. Captain Kara "Starbuck" Thrace: I am a cylon. Seth Green: Uh... I - I'm a cylon. (Seth's head is blown off by a shotgun blast fired by Ronald D. Moore, killing him instantly.) Ronald D. Moore: Gotcha, you filthy cylon son of a bitch! Motherfucker, you die! (The episode ends here.) Category:Transcriptions Category:Transcriptions Uncompleted